The Uneven Weight of Help

I was suffering from dilemmas
I thought I’d never experience.

I was wrong.

I used to be the one
who helped without asking,
the martyr-type.
Never thought I’d seek help,
or worse, need it.

Most people
will wave you off,
or shove disappointments
and assumptions
straight into your mouth.
And when they’re done?
They will not help you.

But a few,
a rare, blessed few,
shared what they should’ve kept
for themselves,
for their families.
They helped me.

But what do you do,
when the one who helped
is now asking
for it back,
because they need it more this time?

It’s an emotional turmoil.
And I am there
in that corner,
asking forgiveness.

I could not help you
when you needed me.
I offered prayers
and good wishes
that’s all I had.
I was still in need myself.

Time passed.
I repaid what I asked from you.
But I know,
deep down,
the money I returned
doesn’t hold
the same weight
as when you gave it.
Because now,
you don’t need it anymore.